What did you almost say, and didn't?
A few minutes of questions about what has actually happened. Nothing at the end asks you to be different.
Where are you right now?
Whichever is closest.
What would you want to be different?
More than one, probably.
What have you already tried?
More than one might sound familiar to you.
Who usually suggests making a plan?
Think of the last month, not the beginning.
Has he introduced you to anyone who matters to him?
Anyone he chose to introduce you to, not anyone you happened to meet.
When he talks about something months from now, are you in it?
A wedding, a trip, Christmas. Anything with a date on it.
Have you tried bringing it up before?
Where this is going. What you are to each other.
What happened the last time you brought something up?
Not how it felt afterwards. What he actually said or did.
What do you leave out when you talk about him?
There is a version of this only you have heard.
It was never a shortage of effort.
You were taught to hint. To wait. To be chosen. You got good at all three.
None of them is a sentence you can say out loud. That is not a gap in you.
Here is what nobody handed you.
The first four ask you to be different. The fifth is something you say.
Therapy works. The books work too.
None of them is in the room at eleven at night, when you have read it four times and you are deciding whether to answer now or leave it until morning.
That is the gap this was built for. Not another course to get through. Something that holds your situation, reads the messages with you, and knows which week you are in.
When it goes quiet for a few days, what do you usually do?
Whatever you actually do, not what you would tell a friend to do.
Never mind how it feels. What does he actually do?
Only the parts you could tell a friend who wasn't there.
If I say what I want, he will pull away.
Have you thought this?
Some of it is just luck.
Have you thought this?
This is not a theory about you.
Four things that have been measured. None of them about you.
How many months has this one been going on?
Round it if you like. You probably know it exactly.
What would you want help with first?
Whichever you'd reach for first.
You have given this {19-how-long} months.||You have already given this a while.
None of it was wasted. You know exactly what he does when nothing is asked of him.
That is the part that repeats. What changes it is one sentence, said once.
Where this comes from.
Not a theory. Three things you can check.
Reading what you told us.
Nobody else has been counting the weeks.
- Sorting what happened from what was read into it
- Finding where you already have an answer
- Naming the first move
- Matching it to the method
Here is what you told us.
Your answers, nothing added.
- Where you are
- You skipped this one.
- What you want to change
- You skipped this one.
- The first move
- You skipped this one.
Here is the part you have not done yet.
None of it depends on what he decides.
- TonightYou write down what actually happened, once, instead of reading it again
- The next quiet stretchYou know which week you are in, and what that week asks for
- The minute after you say itYou know what to do with it
- When you say itYou will have said it, and you will not be waiting to find out
Four things that are yours. Not one of them is a guess about him.
You've done this alone long enough.
A private assistant that helps you find the words, and stays for the minute after you say them.
