What have you been working on before you're allowed to want him?
A few questions about your own week. Your standards stay yours.
Where are you with dating right now?
Whichever is closest.
How long have you been working on yourself first?
Roughly. Pick the nearest.
What have you already tried to get yourself ready?
Tick everything that is true.
After a date, what do you find yourself checking?
The question that follows you home.
Those questions all turn the date back on you.
They ask what you could repair before asking what you want.
You can replay every word on the drive home. The other person is not in that audit, so it cannot tell you what they would say.
Which question have you been trying to answer?
Pick the one you recognize first.
What have you done after asking yourself that?
The small work counts too.
If the audit stopped, what would you want to say plainly?
Not what would make someone stay. What you would want.
Four questions in the audit.
None of them has a second person in it.
The first four keep you auditing. The fifth puts a want into the room.
You shouldn't lower a standard because keeping it got expensive.
The book agrees with the standard. It questions the confession attached to it.
“I'll work on myself, but I won't lower my standards” carries two things at once: a possible part in a pattern, and a refusal to become smaller.
From the chapter I'm the Problem, But I Won't Lower My Standards.
If you stopped auditing yourself for a month, what do you think you would lose?
No answer here is the better one. It only changes what comes next.
Four questions, and none can answer itself.
Counts from the passage, not a study.
The book calls the first part a confession and the second a defense. These are counts of the passage, not research.
Wanting him and saying no can both be true.
One does not cancel the other.
A want has a next step between two people, out loud, in a room. Repairing yourself has no examiner who can tell you that you are finished.
“You are allowed to want him. And you are allowed to say no.” From the chapter Now, One Thing.
If one part got easier, which would you want first?
Whichever you would notice by Friday.
Who put this together.
The same person as you, a few years earlier.
She works in data for a consulting firm in Chicago, which means her days are spent telling companies their strategy isn't working. This is her first book.
Sorting what you have been working on.
This is your answer, not an audit of your worth.
- Taking the question you chose
- Separating a want from a repair job
- Keeping the standard in view
- Matching the next step to the book's method
Here is what you told me.
Every answer here is yours. None is a guess about him.
- The question you keep asking
- You haven't told me which question you keep asking.
- The work you tried
- You haven't said what you did after the audit started.
- What you would want to say
- You haven't told me what you would want to say plainly.
- The work you have been doing
- You have not told me which question you keep asking, so I cannot name the work from your answers. The four questions are above if you want to choose one.
The first answer determines the free result. The other two give it context.
Here is the part you can do next.
Your standard stays yours.
- TonightWrite the want in one sentence
- This weekSay it once to someone who can answer it
- After you say itNotice the urge to explain
- When it mattersYou are allowed to want him. And you are allowed to say no.
Four steps. Your standard stays in view.
A want can have a next step.
You do not have to find the words alone.
You tell the private guide what happened. It helps keep the fact separate from what you decided it meant, finds a short sentence in your words, and sets the next step from the book's method. It does not promise who will stay or decide what another person thinks.